This could be you this summer.
We are not doctors, but we’ve got a pretty huge degree of confidence your insurance doesn’t cover visits to the buffness clinic. Speaking of PhD’s and being buff, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s new show “Ballers” is now playing on HBO. Ballers is the story of how hard work and a little luck can go a long way, sort of like how San Andreas averaged $14,000 per screen over the weekend. Watching the Rock would make anyone want to get fit and rich this summer, and we recommend both! With that in mind, we’ve assembled a few of our top tips for getting beach ready by next month. (For those of you outside the Pacific Northwest, summer begins on the Fourth of July here.) *See some disclaimers below
Sleep a lot more.
In today’s modern world, we sometimes forget that sleep is the cousin of a bangin’ bod. Sure going to bed on time is tough, but do you think tough bedtimes stop The Rock? Know your role! Dwayne sleeps at least 7 hours a night because looking great is his job, and if he didn’t he’d fiend for carbs all day just like us normies. One handy trick is to reward yourself every morning after you sleep like the Rock, and nothing goes with waking up and flexing like the reward of Sterling Coffee.
Eat a lot more.
What! Eat a lot more burritos and pizza?! Not in the Rock’s cookbook. Eat a lot more raw leafy vegetables, healthy fat, and lean protein so you can’t even imagine burritos and pizza. The Rock is 260 pounds of ripped plus jacked mass times acceleration, and if you think that equals 100+ grams of crappy carbohydrate a day you’ve got some studying to do. Fun fact: Sterling Coffee is thermodynamically formulated to be low in simple carbohydrate and high in complex flavorinoids.
Exercise a lot more.
Jogging and riding your bike are a great way to relax after exercising, but if you’re going to pay down the principal on that diet loan you took out over the holidays you’d better un-relax at least 5 times a week: that’s just economics. You don’t need the Rock to tell you that heavy weights and wrestling are super un-relaxing, but you’ll want a coach to explain why interest in intensity is the price of not foregone consumption! Ditch the curls, RIP your PR, and sprint your marginal assets 30 seconds on and off to Sterling Coffee.
It’s that simple! *DISCLAIMER: Although we are not affiliated with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and HBO, and although we do not have a background in nutrition or exercise science, and although we do not claim any specific health benefits from our advice, and although we urge you to consult your doctor before beginning any new diet and exercise program, and although reading our posts should be done for entertainment purposes only, we are confident you can get the results you want just by imitating the Rock this summer (within the constraints of any applicable copyright or trademark law, including intellectual property). Now get out there!